How many sexual combinations can you make? The end.’ snoozers to tie scenes together, the acting in the non-sex scenes really makes you want to fast forward. Yes, the audience likes that there is a real story beyond those standard ‘6 people in a hotel. While some may genuinely attempt to ham it up or others at least try to portray something more serious, most of it falls flat.

Both those who act like rookies and the regulars who should know a little something get caught between horribly weird spoofy combinations of Jack Sparrow and Captain Hook. So what’s the difference in Pirates? Talent.Įven for porn, Pirates has a woeful cast brimming with too many too modern pretties who can’t act out of a paper bag- much less a pirate sash. I kept picturing the guys on Hornblower giving the same seafaring directions and that sounds just fine. Such dialogue, humor, and irony work for the sardonic men drooling over the wenches- and even the nautical terms sound in the spirit. It’s a bit anachronistic and badly delivered, but we do have some ye est olde speaketh like- let’s not push it. Not that it’s given any serious depth or presence, but honestly, were you expecting a priest in peril in Pirates? The dialogue presented also isn’t uber woeful as expected. The character names are also a joke- but I don’t think that was intentional! Perhaps meant as some sort of anti or parody, there are even priests and church talk here amid the brothels and, uh, pirate booty. Of course, a flair of self reverent humor helps, too. Yet there are huge strides towards action beyond the bedroom, non-sexual drama, even character development not seen in run of the mill pornos. So, Pirates is by no means high drama, granted. Though I’m not sure who or what Joone actually is, the attempt at something more than your average smut is much appreciated. However, the story from director Joone and co-writer Max Massimo isn’t that bad. I jest, sure, because critically looking at a porn film does take a tongue placed firmly in cheek after all.

Pirates 2005 movie